Fakengers

The pseudo-couriers strike back!

As fakengers, we have become a rolling laughing-stock. If once we dared to go the The Duke on a Friday night - albeit feeling slightly awkward at the lack of dirt on our bikes or damage to our bags or to our bodies and consciously out of place amongst the guys and girls we so keenly emulate, we can no longer patronise this wonderful establishment for fear of mockery. 'Why don't they dress up as milkmen?' is now a familiar cry on Vine Hill. So bad have things become that fakengers have been seen taking a lengthy detour via High Holborn or even Camden Town in order to reach their beloved Hackney without fear of recrimination. To paraphrase Orwell, it would seem that whilst 'all cyclists are equal, messengers are more equal than others'. But no longer must we suffer in silence. The LBFA is here to represent all London fakengers, wannabees, look-a-likes, try-hards and floppy-haired media-types, whose only crime is their passion for 'pinion fixe'. I think it was Wilde who said 'immitation is the sincerest form of flattery' although I don't think he had the Bianchi pista in mind when he wrote that, but you get my point. So come one, come all. If you've never been a messenger but love riding your bike and wish that you only had the balls to jack in the office job and just do it but know you never will - the LBFA awaits you. Faking as one.